Mac Lethal - I tried to kill myself

I got a deep depression,
I don’t sleep when I need the rest,
and so I got a crippling anxiety inside me,
that’s about to eat my flesh, man,
I just wanna feel relief and lessen,
all the needless questions,
but I keep on stressing,
and I keep obsessing,
I keep looking at my phone every 3 damn seconds,
just to read my texts and,
then I keep refreshing Instagram every minute just to see some breast skin,
if you wanna hurt me you don’t need a weapon,
cuz I keep the stress in so deep,
that I’m prolly gonna bleed to death from all the
ulcers, diseases, infections, and hunger to reach perfection,
I used to take drugs just to ease the tension,
but when you take drugs the Grim Reaper’s present,
I ain’t talking about the reefer you need for stress,
I’m talking bout the pain killers that’ll keep you sweatin,
I shouldn’t be alive; here’s a bleak confession,
I was overanalyzing each regret,
I got emotional inside I wanted to go somewhere and die,
so I climbed up to the roof of the tallest building,
took the deepest breath and….
closed my eyes…
then I JUMPED.
Like finally. I can be free from stressing,
I can be free from this deep depression.
I braced for impact,
I’m gonna go smack on the street in seconds,
the fall took longer than I thought it should,
I spread my arms and tried redirecting my body,
so I could hit the ground sooner,
ready to die like: Heaven’s waiting.
I decided to open up my eyes and,
Holy shit! I was levitating.
You gotta be joking.
I never hit the ground I was in the air floating.
I grew two big white wings when I jumped.
and now both of them were open,
and I couldn’t even close them,
and above my head was a halo,
I said to myself…
“Uh. If I’m not mistaken, I think I’m an angel.
Yep I’m an angel. Look, I’m an angel, I see it myself.”
I don’t believe in angels though,
which makes sense cuz I don’t believe in myself,
my wings are spread,
I’m flying so high right over my city,
you know what? I never realized god damn man this place is kinda pretty,
Look at that sunset, look at that horizon,
Look at that man playing songs on the violin,
I just wanna put a couple dollars in his hat,
his song is so pretty I just wanna go and clap,
Look at that homeless guy he looks hungry,
he prolly needs a ride to the shelter,
Look at that pregnant woman, trying to cross the street,
man, somebody should help her!
Look it’s my grandmother,
Look it’s my damn brother holding hands walking to the store,
Look it’s the girl that I loved for years,
She’s on my front porch knocking on my door,
I don’t understand when I told her that I liked her,
she said we should just be friends,
does she want me now? I wanna talk to her,
wait a sec… no! My life can’t end!
Oh my god, there’s my dog,
in my back yard, I forgot to let him inside,
I remember all the lonely days where he would snuggle me
and keep me company I swear I would pet him and hide,
he’s kinda old and he can’t see well,
so he’ll prolly never find a new home,
and right there is the cemetery where my dad is buried,
and on his tombstone,
it says:
"Here I lie. Proud of my children,
I taught them to know, that whatever doesn’t kill them will make them stronger,
FUCK. I let em down I should’ve made it longer.”
I realized that my life cannot get better without me.
I realized that my life on earth was never about me.
Happiness comes from helping people,
from making em feel good, and showing I care,
I blinked my eyes and I was laying in my bed,
I didn’t really die it was just a nightmare,
got out of bed and put on my shirt, shoes and pants,
I guess I’ll give this life thing one more chance.
Shit….
I got a deep depression,
I don’t sleep when I need the rest,
and sometimes I fall asleep and I dream of death,
and I wake up feeling better like,
I guess I just needed some decompression.
No matter how sad you are don’t give into the pressure.
Just watch this video on repeat until you start to feel better.
I LOVE YALL.