Tekst piosenki:
[THE SQUIP]
Take your hands out of your pockets
Arch your back, puff out your chest
Add some swagger to your gate or
You'll look like a masturbator
Fix your posture, then the rest
[JEREMY]
But I AM a masturbator--
[THE SQUIP]
We'll fix that.
All your nerdiness is ugly
[JEREMY]
Nerd? I thought I was more of a geek, but--
[THE SQUIP]
All your stammering's a chore
[JEREMY]
Wh-wh-what?
[THE SQUIP]
Your tics and fidgets are persistent
And your charm is non-existent
Fix your vibe, then fix some more
[JEREMY]
Buh--
[THE SQUIP]
Buh!
[JEREMY]
I--
[THE SQUIP]
Shut!
[JEREMY]
Wha?
[THE SQUIP]
No
[JEREMY]
Aah!
[THE SQUIP]
Stop
Oh, everything about you is so terrible
Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die
[JEREMY]
Jesus Christ...
[THE SQUIP]
So don't freak out
And don't resist
And have no doubt
If I assist
You will Be more chill
First thing's first, go buy a new shirt
[JEREMY]
What's wrong with my shirt--
[THE SQUIP]
It's better if you just comply
My job's to color your aesthetic
And make you seem much less pathetic
Just step and fetch, don't ask me why
[JEREMY]
How are you with math homework?
[THE SQUIP] I'
m a super-computer, Jeremy.
I'm made of math.
Oh, everything about you is so terrible
[PEOPLE IN THE MALL]
Everything about you sucks!
Everything about you sucks!
[THE SQUIP]
Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die
[PEOPLE IN THE MALL]
Everything about you sucks!
Everything about you sucks!
[THE SQUIP]
All the people in the mall think you're such a slob
[PEOPLE IN THE MALL]
You're a slob! Terrible! Such a slob!
[THE SQUIP]
And boy, can I see why!
Now you try picking a shirt.
That's a girl's shirt.
[JEREMY]
Sorry...
[CHLOE]
...Jerry?
[JEREMY]
Jeremy.
[CHLOE]
You shop here?
[JEREMY]
Oh, yeah all the time--
[THE SQUIP]
Never.
[JEREMY]
Never. Is what I meant to...
[THE SQUIP]
Greet the beta.
[JEREMY]
Oh. Hey, Brooke.
[THE SQUIP]
"You look sexy."
[JEREMY]
I can't say that to a hot girl!
[THE SQUIP]
Don't smile. Stare intensely.
Speak like you don't care about your own death.
[JEREMY]
Lookin' pretty sexy, Brooke.
[BROOKE]
Thanks.
[CHLOE]
Is that a girl's shirt?
[JEREMY]
No.
[THE SQUIP]
"Yes."
[JEREMY]
Yes.
[THE SQUIP]
Repeat after me--
I saw it in the window
And I couldn't dismiss
[JEREMY]
I saw it in the window
And I couldn't dismiss
[THE SQUIP]
I was dating a girl and
She had a shirt just like this
[JEREMY]
I was dating a girl and
She had a shirt just like this
[THE SQUIP]
It's still painful
[JEREMY]
It's still painful
[CHLOE]
So, who was this mystery girl?
[JEREMY]
Oh, you've probably never heard of her, so--
[THE SQUIP]
Madeline
[JEREMY]
Madeline
[CHLOE]
What?
[JEREMY]
She's French
[CHLOE]
Ugh! She is NOT French!
She just pretends to be for attention!
[BROOKE]
Madeline broke up with you?
[JEREMY]
Yeah...
[THE SQUIP]
No.
[JEREMY]
I mean--
[THE SQUIP]
I broke up with her
[JEREMY]
I broke up with her
[THE SQUIP]
'Cause she was Cheating on me
[JEREMY, overselling it]
'Cause she was
Cheating on me
[THE SQUIP]
Hey, Hamlet.
Be. More. Chill.
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