Andrew Underberg, Sam Haft, Christian Borle, Amir Talai & Joel Perez - Stayed Gone

[VOX]
That fucker is back!

[VALENTINO]
Yeah, I thought he was gone for good too

[VOX]
It's been seven years!

[VALENTINO]
You still pissed he almost beat you that time?

[VOX]
Uh, fuck you

[VALENTINO]
Just saying

[VOX]
Things have changed a lot since he left town

[VALENTINO]
That's for sure

[VOX]
I gotta send a message of who's really in charge of things now

Welcome home
I'm gonna make you wish that you'd stayed gone
Say hello to a new status quo
Everyone knows that there's a brand new dawn
Turn the TV on!

[DIRECTOR]
Camera speeds
Rolling in three, two

[VOX]
(Welcome to the show)
Top of the hour, and we're discussing a certain has-been
Who has been spotted cavorting around town
(Welcome to the show)
After a seven-year absence
Did anybody miss him?
(Welcome to the show)
Did anybody notice?
More on tonight's program

So, the Radio Demon is back in town
Why is he hanging around?
What does that mean for your family?
Well handily, I've got good news
He's a loser, a fossil
And I don't mean to sound hostile, but the demon is a coward!
You can take that as gospel
Pulling my viewers? Impossible
I'm visual, he's barely audible
Stop giving him the time of day, don't listen to a word he'd say
I hope he had a nice vacay, but he should've stayed away

While he hid in radio, we've pivoted to video
Now his medium is getting bloody rare
Hell's been better since he split
Where's he been? Who gives a shit?!

[ALASTOR]
Salutations!
Good to be back on the air

Yes, I know it's been a while
Since someone with style treated Hell to a broadcast
Sinners, rejoice!

[VOX]
What a dated voice!

[ALASTOR]
Instead of a clout-chasing mediocre video podcast

[VOX]
Come on!

[ALASTOR]
Is Vox insecure, pursuing allure?
Fitting between this fad and that, is nothing working?

[VOX]
Ignore his chirping!

[ALASTOR,]
Every day, he's got a new format!

[VOX]
You're looking at the future, he's the shit that comes before that!

[ALASTOR]
Is Vox as strong as he purports?
Or is it based on his support?
He'd be powerless without the other V's

[VOX]
Oh, please!

[ALASTOR]
And here's the sugar on the cream
He asked me to join his team!

[VOX]
H-hold on!

[ALASTOR]
I said no, and now he's pissy
That's the tea!

[VOX]
You old-timey prick, I'll show you suf-ffering

[ALASTOR]
Uh oh, the TV is buffering!

[VOX]
I'll destroy you, yo-ou lit-tle—

[ALASTOR]
I'm afraid you've lost your signal

Let's begin
I'm gonna make you wish that I'd stayed gone, tune on in
When I'm done, your status quo will know its race is run
Oh, this will be fun

[VOX]
Fuck!