Allan Sherman - Here's to the Crabgrass

Here's to the crabgrass
Here's to the mortgage
In fact, here's to Suburbia

Lay down your briefcase
Far from the rat race
Where nothing can disturb ya

Uncomplicated
It's what we waited
For so long in this city

Come let us go there
Live like Thoreau there
A life of sweet simplicity

Did you set the thermostat?
No, I don't know where it's at
Tuesday the Cub Scouts meet again

Walk the dog and cut the grass
Take the kids to dancing class
Jim's Little League got beat again

Can't keep a maid here
No matter what they're paid here
The place has bad publicity

Why did we move here?
Don't you remember?
To live in sweet simplicity

Here's to mosquitoes
Clam dip and Fritos
To golf and bridge and scuba there

Men wearing knee pants
Women in Capri pants
Discussing what's with Cuba there

Each big appliance
Treats you with defiance
Until it finally falls apart

Call the repairman
In a week he's there, man
To knock your kitchen walls apart

Tommy's got a bloody nose
Gotta fix the garden hose
Book Of The Month Club came today

Didn't read the last one yet
Yes, you did but you forget
Oh well, they're all the same today

Here's Mrs. Ritter
She's the baby sitter
Tonight we're going joyously

Back to the city
Where life is gay and witty
Back to the noise there
That everyone enjoys there

Back to the crush there
Hurry let us rush there
Back to the rat race
Don't forget your briefcase

Back in the groove there
Say why don't we move there
Away from all of this sweet simplicity