Weeping Wound - Withdrawal Symptoms

I don't wanna die
But the bottle is my home
I don't want to be touched
Is it my fault is it my fault
Is it mine

No

I could never find the words -
there's no cure for awkward
Drink until it hurts,
I'm embarrassed

A gallon between me and the world

My irresponsible responses:
Belligerent and impatient
All adds to harm and foul; shame
Cutting myself
Displace my focus
I am heaving begging for space
Bleeding, I'm torn by a different me

Deflate the urge to complain
I accept the blade

Swallow the dirt

It doesn't hurt
Not when my thoughts are secured

But I'm never secure

Am I supposed to be?
I'M PARANOID AND CAN'T SLEEP

KOLONIPAN, LIQUOR &&& FATE
INGESTING ALL OF MY MISTAKES
PUSH THEM ONTO THE FLOOR
I COULDN'T KEEP THEM DOWN

SHAKING AND SWELLING
I'M NOT CONVINCED I DESERVE TO BE SOBER

CHEW ON CHUNKS OF MIRROR
TO SHOW I REALLY REGRET IT

I just want to be approached without the intent to disrobe
THE EXPECTATION TO DRINK 'TIL I'M NUMB -
READY TO MAKE YOU CUM

No one ever gave a shit.

I'M DRUNK
I'M EASY
BETWEEN YOU AND THE REAPER MY BODY MEANS NOTHING
SO TAKE IT & DON'T GIVE IT BACK
I'M NOT SURE IT WAS MINE TO BEGIN WITH

ALL THEY EVER SEEM TO SAY - "YOU WANNA FUCK ME?"
BUT HEAR THAT BOIL IN MY CHEST -
DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME

I don't want it don't need it leaves me repeating my burning sensation bible and a bottle in my pillow case
I wish I was sleeping

I can feel the burn
I feel it burn
And I'll feel it
I feel it
Don't wanna feel no more
Forced to lay -
to keep peace in the bottle
until the stench is vulgar

I'M DISGUSTING AND I KNOW IT AND I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T STOP

I'M SORRY
MOMMA
LOVE ME