Roya - Family funerals

my best friend died when i was five and we buried him two streets over, i don't think i ever cried. my brother died when i was nine and we buried him six feet under, he was still innocent and tongue-tied. i never really learned to be careful, i never really cared to learn and i will tiptoe around this so no one has to get hurt. i realized that there is no god when i fell asleep quietly in the yard, the sun pressing hard enough on my eyes so i could see rays of light that will burn right through my skin and my fingertips until i shine. and i saw nothing in the glow behind my eyes. there is nothing.
i am not not the one you want, i am not someone you love. i am floating above you, i am trying to unlove you.