Hapax - Silent sign of surrender

In days that have gone by
I strived to keep up appearances
of a pretend one.
And then, almost in vain,
I started slandering my feelings,
my inner self.

Now, with even less [...] success
[I try to come close],
try to resemble myself,
till my own image, that gleamed like a coin in the rain,
winds up being lost to me and falls into unconsciousness.
Or into the hands of someone else.

A habit to deny
it's struggling for appearance
just a way out.
You hold tight your portrait
but don't perceive its features,
so hollow and pale.

Now, with even less [...] success
[I try to come close],
try to resemble myself,
till my own image, that gleamed like a coin in the rain,
winds up being lost to me and falls into unconsciousness.
Or into the hands of someone else.

It's time to surrender to yourself.
Lay down your head now.