Epic Rap Battles Of History - Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris

Abraham Lincoln:
Four score and 65 years in the past
I won the Civil War with my beard
Now I’m here to whup your ass
I’ve read up on your facts
You cure cancer with your tears?
Well, tell me Chuck how come you never sat down and cried on your career?
You’re a washed up has been on TV selling Total Gyms
And you’re gonna lose this battle
Like you lost Return of the Dragon
I’ll rip your chest hairs out
Put em’ in my mouth
I’ll squash you like I squashed the South
I never told a lie
And I won’t start now
You’re a horse with a limp
I’ll put you down.

Chuck Norris:
This isn’t Gettysburg, punk
I’d suggest retreating
For I invented rap music
When my heart started beating
Chuck Norris doesn’t battle
He just allow you to lose
My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth

Abraham Lincoln:
I’ve got my face on the side of a mountain
You voted for John McCain
I’ve got a bucket full of my head and I’m about to make it rain
You block bullets with your beard?
I catch em’ with my skull
I’d make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger but I’ve never ever seen that show

Chuck Norris:
I am Chuck Fucking Norris!
I’ve spread more blood and gore
Than forty score of your puny Civil Wars, b***h
I split the Union with a roundhouse kick
I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick
I attack sharks when I smell them bleed
I don't go swimming
Water just wants to be around me
My fists make the speed of light
Make the speed of light wish that it was faster
You may have freed the slaves
But Chuck is everyone’s master