Julien Baker - Appointments

I'm staying in tonight
I won't stop you from leaving
I know that I'm not what you wanted
Am I?
Wanted someone who I used to be like
Now you think I'm not trying
I don't argue, it's not worth the effort to lie
You don't want to bring it up
And I already know how it looks
You don't have to remind me so much
How I disappoint you
Suggest that I talk to somebody again
That knows how to help me get better
And till then I should just try not to miss any more
Appointments

I think if I ruin this
That I know I can live with it
Nothing turns out like I pictured it
Maybe the emptiness is just a lesson in canvases
I think if I fail again
That I know you're still listening
Maybe it's all gonna turn out alright
And I know that it's not, but I have to believe that it is

I have to believe that it is
I have to believe that it is
(I have to believe it, I have to believe it)
I have to believe that it is
(Probably not, but I have to believe that it is)

And when I tell you that it is
Oh, more for my benefit
Maybe it's all gonna turn out alright
Oh, I know that it's not, but I have to believe that it is