ICP - Mad Professor

*Giggling* (Oh, shit! He's here!)
*Clears throat* (Hi.)
[Ah, how you doin', uh, this is the right place for the uh furniture? Uh?]
(Yeah, sure is. Come on in.)
[Pretty nice place here you go. Them cobwebs are a nice touch.
Uh, so that's the couch eh?]
(Yeah we got some um, take a look at that upholstery right there.)
[That's pretty fuckin' nice, ace.]
(That's uh.. BAROO!)
[Woah, you alright there?]
(Excuse me, real upholstery.)
[I ain't seen nothin' like that since uh shit, back in..]
*Hear something hit the guy over the head*
(MOTHERFUCKER! You want my COUCH? You motherFUCKER?
I need your motherfuckin' BRAIN!
You can't have my COUCH! What
the FUCK you thinking? Now come here you big fat MOTHERFUCKER,
Get on the TABLE!) *Nervous giggling*

I was never popular, this I'll admit.
Fuck SCHOOL. School never liked me. Cool!
All the kids would always beat me 'til I'm half dead,
And make fun of the size of my forehead.
But that shit never bothered me.
Mama and mother, they owned a lot of property.
They had a science lab in the basement and that's where my free time--
Well, my time was spent.

I made a mouse with a chicken head.
It clucked three times, cluck, Cluck, CLUCK!
Then it was dead.
I made a lot of things though,
Like a frog with a turkey neck. (*Turkey noises*)
It was the shit! (Yeah!)

But I'm still lonely,
I need a homie.
So I collected limbs and made me a zombie.
I could have made a girly friend but fuck that,
I got my girly right here (Sick noise)
(Yeah!)

(Under the direction of)
You can call me mad professor.
(Strange as it may seem)
I will make a friend for me.
(Under the direction of)
You can call me mad professor.
(Strange as it may seem)
We will rule eternity.

[So this is like, where you live?]
(That's right. Why, you don't like it?)
[I mean, oh my god, it's dirty! Do you like..]
*Something hits girl over the head*
(Shut up, bitch! Gimme your tippy toes!)

I used so many body parts, it was crazy.
I killed a whole bunch of motherfuckers, like what, eighty?
They all chipped in on my special friend.
Everything helps, even if you've got a finger to lend. Come on.
I hear the other children playing outside,
KEEP IT DOWN YOU LITTLE BITCHES, I'LL SKIN YOUR FUCKIN' HIDES!
Stressful.
This part's wack,
(What?)
Somehow I've got to attach this nutsack.

Shit! Fuck! I'm sawin' off an elbow,
Lookin' at the meter on my quazar zefallow (what?)
Or better yet, look out the fuckin' window (Oh.)
I see a storm's comin',
It's almost time to roll.

Screw the head on, come on, come on.
It's the thuggish, ruggish bone.
Okay it's time, hit the switch!
Turn it up a hert!
FUCK! Shit!
Didn't work.

(Under the direction of)
You can call me mad professor,
(Strange as it may seem)
I will make a friend for me.
(Under the direction of)
You can call me mad professor.
(Strange as it may seem)
We will rule eternity.

(You made me a creature, but which one of us is the horror
that scares little children? Is it me, or is it the man that made me, with
evil in his mind to create the awful thing that lies waiting to kill you?)

(Hey.)
[Hey, you call for a wrecker?]
(Sure did, come on in.)
[Uh, I got the truck waiting outside.. I'm gonna go ahead and..]
*Something hits guy over the head*
[Ow mothafucka! You do, what'd ya hit me with a frying pan or something?]
*Hits guy over head again*
[What the fuck.. you crazy motherfucker, ahh, that shit hurts!]
*Hits him again*
(Come here! Get back here!)
[Man I'm gonna fuck you up, oh! You trying to kill me! He's trying to kill me!]
*Hits him again*

It wasn't always easy,
(Hell no)
Let me tell you, but FUCK THAT.
'Cause I aint no failure!
I put the shit with the veins and the stuff with that... Wait a minute..
*Fart*
Did you hear that?
(Yeah!)
It's alive!
(Woohoo!)
I just gotta wake it up!
Hand me that Rock Rye, (come on) pour it in a cup.
Give it to his ass! Wait, hold up..
Pause..
I ain't cleaning his drawers man, fuck that.

Get him set, get him ready.
It's almost time.
Paint his ugly face up, almost like mine.
I see him twitchin', I'm on a roll.
He can help me tell the whole world about the carnival!
Turn the hertz all the way up for this shit,
And just wait for that lightning bolt to hit..
Did it work?
You make the call.
Shaggy?
(What up, y'all?)

*Mad laughing*
(Under the direction of)
You can call me mad professoer.
(Strange as it may seem)
I will make a friend for me.
(Under the direction of)
You can call me mad professor.
(I'm alive! I'm alive!)
(Strange as it may seem)
We will rule eternity.

You can call me mad professor.
I will make a friend for me.
You can call me mad professor.
We will rule eternity!

(Under the direction of)
You can call me mad professor.
(Strange as it may seem)
I will make a friend for me.
(Under the direction of)
You can call me mad professor.
(Strange as it may seem)
We will rule eternity.
We will rule eternity.
We will rule eternity.
We will rule eternity.
We will rule eternity.