Bo Burnham - I'm Bo yo

I don't know if all boy scouts are gays
But they could probably "tie the knot" in like fifty different ways...
I got a safe full o' cherries, cause I pop it and lock it,
A girl's like a fridge, once a week you should stock (stalk) it,
And girl, if you're into a rimmin', it's only safe if you're swimmin',
And girl, don't sit on the couch, 'cause I treat my objects like women.
I spit fire like I just blew a demon
My shit's so hot, I'll leave your toilet bowl steamin'
Girl I'm gonna tear it (tarot), like the cards of the gypsies
You'll bleed for so long you'll get monthly ellipses.
If the pants are loose, girl I'll replete (re-pleat) ya.
You're a first time vegan and it's nice to meet (meat) ya

I'm Bo, yo
And I'm the greatest rapper ever
And I'll weather your weather whether you think I'm clever or not
Think you're better, you're not
Don't need a sweater, I'm hot
I'm a real G, shawty that can really find your G-spot
(What the hell's a G-spot?)

Go to a vagina orchard, count 1, 2, 3
Spin that plant around, you got a third world country (whirled c*nt tree)
That's right, consider yourself warned
I'm offensive and creative like handicapped porn
You're playing with your breasts, excuse me, can I try it ma'am?
You're pushin' 'em together like a titty Venn diagram
Look at that crack, 'scuse me, can I buy a gram?
Right below your diaphragm, ass looks like you're hidin' ham.

First base, we're making out
Second base, I'm getting faked out.
Third base, I'm getting take out
And I'd try to take it home if I knew I'd take it out
But I just don't know, I said I just don't care
My flow's so cold I need a tampon from a polar bear
Cause you can smell and spell my stink
B.O. lingers and it makes you think

Cause I'm Bo, yo
And I'm the greatest rapper ever
And I'll weather your weather-whether you think I'm clever or not
Think you're better, you're not
Don't need a sweater, I'm hot
You got two eyes, only got one shot, yeah
Yo

Girls are like donuts when I be bustin' Bo nuts,
I can make 'em cream-filled or give them a layer of glaze
I'm like Doug's friend Skeeter whenever I meet her.
'Cause I skeet her so hard you could call her Patty Mayonnaise.
My girl is epileptic, 'cause she's the one I'm jerkin' with
Come on, you Asian child laborer, show me what you're workin' with
Ooh, large machinery?
'Cause there's an inverse relationship between respect and sects
I'm talking 'bout religious sects, like a mormon sect
That says you can't have sex with members of different sects
But you can't have sex with members of the same sex
So if the sects can't be different, the sex can be same
Then the only sex left is some left hand shame
And girl I left you 'cause you left the game
And if that don't feel right, then you can write my name

'Cause I'm Bo, yo
I'm the greatest rapper ever
And I'll weather your weather-whether you think I'm clever or not
Think you're better, you're not
Don't need a sweater, I'm hot
If I can't think of another rhyme, then I ought to think of one
Yeah, break this down, man
Yo, yo

Look past the skin and look to the lyrics
I run miracle circles around you like spherical lyrics
This isn't about ironic pigment
If you're imagining this, then I'm a chronic figment, yeah
Feel it, ready?
My junk's so long that it hangs and swings
So at the nude beach, people think I'm lookin' for lost rings
Play the skin flute while your big boy sings
And if you want to take it all, wear African neck rings.
Haters call me gay, but that ain't hatin'
'Cause I'm not homophobic, my morals are straight and
If I'm in the closet, then you are below me (blow me)
Takin' the B-A-T out of basement, homie

Yo, 'cause I'm Bo, yo
I'm the greatest rapper ever
And I'll weather your weather-whether you think I'm clever or not
Think you're better, you're not
Don't need a sweater, I'm hot
I'm a real G, that can really find your G-spot
Yeah, yeah, yo, yo
I'm a real G homie that can really find your G-spot, oh
I'm representing you
I'm representing the people from the 01982, yo